What if she's just looking for someone to dance with?
I have managed to spread poison Ivy all over my body. Not a complete cover all, just spotches here and there. It started on the tops of my feet, wound up on the backs of my calves, and now I have a splotch by my left ear, and on the bridge of my nose right between my eyes.
Wonderful.
Every year I end up with the itches due to my mucking about in the backyard. And every year I tell myself that I will make sure that it doesn't happen again.
Right.
I am mucking in the backyard to make way for some alium plants. I am trying to find some asiatic lilies that I won't have to mortgage the farm for. For some reason the lilies are really expensive this year.
I have a section right along the fence between our property and our wonderful neighbors. And I do mean wonderful. They are a retired couple who have lived in their home since it was built in the early 50's. Mrs. G is an avid gardener who plants vegetables every year so that she can give them to the needy. Mr. G is a lovable, grumbly guy who does what his wife tells him. Mr. G went sky diving on his 82nd birthday. I want to be him when I grow up.
Anyway, all the 10 years that we have lived here, we have had crap growing along the fence. Mrs. G has been gracious enough not to take me to task about it. I figure that it is time to change that pattern, and get in tune with her mojo. Meld our mojos. Make one Grande Mojo. A Mo-grande-jo, if you will.
So that is where I am picking up all of this flippin' poison ivy.
It doesn't itch all of the time. Just some of the time. Like when I am thinking about it. Like now.
Damn.
Namaste.
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Saturday, July 28, 2007
It's got groove, it's got meaning
We are watching the movie "Grease" tonight. The movie from the 70's. With John Travolta, and Olivia Newton-Johns.
What memories this brings back. I can't remember who I went to see this with. I think that it was Tim, Audrey, myself, and I can't remember who. Don't think it was Kim, but it could have been.
Actually, it had to be Kim, because the movie came out in '78. And if that is the case, then we didn't go with Tim, or Audrey. By that time Tim had disappeared into Kalamazoo. After we became friends it was like we were together all of the time. Until we graduated and went to college. Then Tim disappeared. I still miss that kid. Audrey went to a different college. Barbara Jo went to school in Indiana, Patti went to MSU, Darcel went to Western with me and Sarah. Darcel is the one who got me turned on to Dan Fogelberg. Sarah, Rare Earth. Miss Tim's camaro. That was when he was working in the movie theatre in Decatur that he had that car. Just before he bought the Firebird.
Dating where I grew up in Michigan was interesting. Hartford was/is a bedroom community surrounded by farms. The graduating class of 1976 had a grand total of 89 students matriculating that year. I was 13th in the class, thank you. I do believe that I tied, or was with
Barbara Joanne for that place. Barbara Jo was a young love. She was someone that I thought I would have one of those high school romances with.
But didn't.
Having such a small class made dating interesting. That is twice I have written that. We knew so much about one another, and didn't know a thing. Or maybe I am just talking about myself.
Thirty one years between dreams and life. I would like to talk to some old friends. Anyone out there, if you know someone in Hartford, have them drop me a line.
Namaste.
What memories this brings back. I can't remember who I went to see this with. I think that it was Tim, Audrey, myself, and I can't remember who. Don't think it was Kim, but it could have been.
Actually, it had to be Kim, because the movie came out in '78. And if that is the case, then we didn't go with Tim, or Audrey. By that time Tim had disappeared into Kalamazoo. After we became friends it was like we were together all of the time. Until we graduated and went to college. Then Tim disappeared. I still miss that kid. Audrey went to a different college. Barbara Jo went to school in Indiana, Patti went to MSU, Darcel went to Western with me and Sarah. Darcel is the one who got me turned on to Dan Fogelberg. Sarah, Rare Earth. Miss Tim's camaro. That was when he was working in the movie theatre in Decatur that he had that car. Just before he bought the Firebird.
Dating where I grew up in Michigan was interesting. Hartford was/is a bedroom community surrounded by farms. The graduating class of 1976 had a grand total of 89 students matriculating that year. I was 13th in the class, thank you. I do believe that I tied, or was with
Barbara Joanne for that place. Barbara Jo was a young love. She was someone that I thought I would have one of those high school romances with.
But didn't.
Having such a small class made dating interesting. That is twice I have written that. We knew so much about one another, and didn't know a thing. Or maybe I am just talking about myself.
Thirty one years between dreams and life. I would like to talk to some old friends. Anyone out there, if you know someone in Hartford, have them drop me a line.
Namaste.
Thursday, July 26, 2007
A simple bodily fluid update
Pierce called me this afternoon, explaining that even as he enjoyed my story of his 15 minutes of fast food fame, I left a few things out.
Like the round robin of vomiting that happened in the Bw3 bathroom after he shoved the wings down his gullet.
Now there is something that you don't necessarily want to envision when you go into a restaurant. Some teenager blowing chunks in the bathroom while you are getting ready to order your food.
Sometimes I really appreciate my daughters.
Except for what my youngest just did as she is sitting right next to me.
Namaste.
Like the round robin of vomiting that happened in the Bw3 bathroom after he shoved the wings down his gullet.
Now there is something that you don't necessarily want to envision when you go into a restaurant. Some teenager blowing chunks in the bathroom while you are getting ready to order your food.
Sometimes I really appreciate my daughters.
Except for what my youngest just did as she is sitting right next to me.
Namaste.
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Welcome to the doldrums
You know. the equatorial belt of calms,area around the earth centered slightly north of the equator between the two belts of trade winds.
Or maybe just a period of depression or unhappy listlessness.
You decide.
The Princess was just regaling me with a story about Pierce and a trip we made from Michigan to Pennsylvania a few years ago. A lot of a few years ago.
Anyway, we had stopped at a Burger King for some fried food full of fat and sugar when Pierce decided it was time to void his bowels. Natural for kids and puppies. Eat. Pee. Poop. LIfe is simple that way.
Regardless, Pierce was standing at the urinal and I guess that there was a cacophany of flatulence coming from the other residents. Pierce called it a Fart Symphony. We laughed. For some reason my sons and I have this unnatural attraction to bodily functions. Pierce spun me a huge tale awhile back about his attempt to find fame at BW3 a wings restaurant that he likes. If you eat a number of really hot wings in a certain amount of time you, and don't puke on your shoes you get your picture on the wall.
Woo Hoo.
The problem with all of this is that Pierce has a tender stomach. He doesn't do well with hot stuff, milk, or the like. He tends to hurl. Violently.
Anyway, he went to this restaurant with a couple of buddies. Skipping school, I am sure. Ordered the hottest wings, ate them in the regulation time. Actually, he had to go back 3 different times to build up a tolerance. Told you he has a weak stomach. Anyway, after eating/shoving the wings down his throat, he promptly went into the bathroom and vomited. They then left. Had to stop at a gas station to use the bathroom for the exploxive pooping that chose that time to happen. His buddy came in, smelled the stench, and promptly vomited. Which caused Pierce to vomit again. He then went home to for another bout of expulsions from both mouth and anus.
Sounds like fun, doesn't it? He called me at work to tell me about this. I couldn't stop laughing. This kid kills me with some of the things that he does. He is such a teenage boy.
Thank the Gods that The Princess is the way she is. Her madness we can deal with much easier.
Lady Bug has a birthday coming up. She is turning the big 24. A twenty-something. Send cash in place of presents.
To me, not her.
Namaste.
Or maybe just a period of depression or unhappy listlessness.
You decide.
The Princess was just regaling me with a story about Pierce and a trip we made from Michigan to Pennsylvania a few years ago. A lot of a few years ago.
Anyway, we had stopped at a Burger King for some fried food full of fat and sugar when Pierce decided it was time to void his bowels. Natural for kids and puppies. Eat. Pee. Poop. LIfe is simple that way.
Regardless, Pierce was standing at the urinal and I guess that there was a cacophany of flatulence coming from the other residents. Pierce called it a Fart Symphony. We laughed. For some reason my sons and I have this unnatural attraction to bodily functions. Pierce spun me a huge tale awhile back about his attempt to find fame at BW3 a wings restaurant that he likes. If you eat a number of really hot wings in a certain amount of time you, and don't puke on your shoes you get your picture on the wall.
Woo Hoo.
The problem with all of this is that Pierce has a tender stomach. He doesn't do well with hot stuff, milk, or the like. He tends to hurl. Violently.
Anyway, he went to this restaurant with a couple of buddies. Skipping school, I am sure. Ordered the hottest wings, ate them in the regulation time. Actually, he had to go back 3 different times to build up a tolerance. Told you he has a weak stomach. Anyway, after eating/shoving the wings down his throat, he promptly went into the bathroom and vomited. They then left. Had to stop at a gas station to use the bathroom for the exploxive pooping that chose that time to happen. His buddy came in, smelled the stench, and promptly vomited. Which caused Pierce to vomit again. He then went home to for another bout of expulsions from both mouth and anus.
Sounds like fun, doesn't it? He called me at work to tell me about this. I couldn't stop laughing. This kid kills me with some of the things that he does. He is such a teenage boy.
Thank the Gods that The Princess is the way she is. Her madness we can deal with much easier.
Lady Bug has a birthday coming up. She is turning the big 24. A twenty-something. Send cash in place of presents.
To me, not her.
Namaste.
Monday, July 23, 2007
Buns you can bounce a quarter off of.
I have been having an extended bad day.
A bad couple of weeks.
It started on the 4th of July and has progressed to where we are right now, at this point.
Why?
A combo plate of reasons. Work. Stress at work that bleeds into home. The stress at work bleeding into home and the stress that that brings. Money. The lack of it, really. A day doesn't go by when I don't feel that that work that I do is meaningless, and I hate it.
You know, those kind of things.
I would love to have a job where I went it, did what I was supposed to, and then go home. do't worry about politics. Peoples feelings. People showing up to do the jobs that they were hired to do.
I need a job where I depend on myself. And not a sales job, thank you, because I just do not want to have to be sucking up to people to make a living. That seems that it would suck my soul out faster than retail has.
Wouldn't it be nice.
I have been reading a large number of blogs written by women. And I gotta tell you, there are some women out there with mouths that would make a sailor blush.
Some potty mouthed ladies. What I don't understand is how they get away with it? My kids read my blog, so I purposely tone my language down. Interesting.
Namaste.
A bad couple of weeks.
It started on the 4th of July and has progressed to where we are right now, at this point.
Why?
A combo plate of reasons. Work. Stress at work that bleeds into home. The stress at work bleeding into home and the stress that that brings. Money. The lack of it, really. A day doesn't go by when I don't feel that that work that I do is meaningless, and I hate it.
You know, those kind of things.
I would love to have a job where I went it, did what I was supposed to, and then go home. do't worry about politics. Peoples feelings. People showing up to do the jobs that they were hired to do.
I need a job where I depend on myself. And not a sales job, thank you, because I just do not want to have to be sucking up to people to make a living. That seems that it would suck my soul out faster than retail has.
Wouldn't it be nice.
I have been reading a large number of blogs written by women. And I gotta tell you, there are some women out there with mouths that would make a sailor blush.
Some potty mouthed ladies. What I don't understand is how they get away with it? My kids read my blog, so I purposely tone my language down. Interesting.
Namaste.
Friday, July 20, 2007
Washboard Abs
I had an uncle who used to tell me that he could help me lost 10 lbs of ugly fat in just a couple of minutes.
As long as I let him cut off my head.
I miss that man.
He was the husband of my Father's older sister. They lived in Dowagiac, Michigan and had a really cool cottage on Magician Lake. We had a great time at that cottage every summer. Swimming, which goes without saying. Cookouts, parties, fishing, exploring. The perfect tweener summer.
When I was growing up my parents didn't take vacations away from home. Both my Father and Mother worked. We always had a week at the lake, though. And weekends here and there.
The cottage sat on a small hill, and one summer my middle brother got into the skateboard craze. This was the middle to late 60's, so it was the first skateboard craze. We would start out at the back of the cottage, follow the sidewalk around to the front, and then down the walkway to the pier. The challenge was to be the one furthest out on the pier. That was no small feat considering that there were spaces between the slats of the pier. Given my fears of not being in control and hurting myself, it is surprising to me that I actually involved myself in this insanity. Just thinking back about it, I can see a hundred different ways we could have done damage to ourselves. But we didn't.
Go figure.
I learned to like tonic water at the cottage. Didn't try liquor, or beer at that point, though there was plenty to be had. I learned how to use a griddle to make pancakes. There was no stove in the kitchen. There was this big restaurant griddle instead, and a stove top. All of the other cooking was done out on the front patio.
I miss that place. I miss my Uncle. I talk to my Aunt via email every now and then, she now lives in Yuma, Arizona. She is a wonderful, funny person. And as her not so good nephew, I don't contact her enough.
That needs to change.
Namaste.
As long as I let him cut off my head.
I miss that man.
He was the husband of my Father's older sister. They lived in Dowagiac, Michigan and had a really cool cottage on Magician Lake. We had a great time at that cottage every summer. Swimming, which goes without saying. Cookouts, parties, fishing, exploring. The perfect tweener summer.
When I was growing up my parents didn't take vacations away from home. Both my Father and Mother worked. We always had a week at the lake, though. And weekends here and there.
The cottage sat on a small hill, and one summer my middle brother got into the skateboard craze. This was the middle to late 60's, so it was the first skateboard craze. We would start out at the back of the cottage, follow the sidewalk around to the front, and then down the walkway to the pier. The challenge was to be the one furthest out on the pier. That was no small feat considering that there were spaces between the slats of the pier. Given my fears of not being in control and hurting myself, it is surprising to me that I actually involved myself in this insanity. Just thinking back about it, I can see a hundred different ways we could have done damage to ourselves. But we didn't.
Go figure.
I learned to like tonic water at the cottage. Didn't try liquor, or beer at that point, though there was plenty to be had. I learned how to use a griddle to make pancakes. There was no stove in the kitchen. There was this big restaurant griddle instead, and a stove top. All of the other cooking was done out on the front patio.
I miss that place. I miss my Uncle. I talk to my Aunt via email every now and then, she now lives in Yuma, Arizona. She is a wonderful, funny person. And as her not so good nephew, I don't contact her enough.
That needs to change.
Namaste.
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Rock hard abs
Yeah right.
As I slowly turn in to a weeble (you know, weebles wobble, but they don't fall down), I realize that crunches and push ups are the best things that I can do for my near 50 year old body.
The intellect isn't the problem.
It is getting the body to follow the brain that always gets me.
You would think that paring down my meat intake as much as I have the weight should be falling off of me. Must be the peanut butter sandwiches late at night. Adding bananas to it probably isn't the best thing for me to do either.
Consequences.
Namaste.
As I slowly turn in to a weeble (you know, weebles wobble, but they don't fall down), I realize that crunches and push ups are the best things that I can do for my near 50 year old body.
The intellect isn't the problem.
It is getting the body to follow the brain that always gets me.
You would think that paring down my meat intake as much as I have the weight should be falling off of me. Must be the peanut butter sandwiches late at night. Adding bananas to it probably isn't the best thing for me to do either.
Consequences.
Namaste.
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
If you are lurking, you can at least say hi.
I spend a good portion of time reading other folks blogs. I don't comment in all of them, because I don't want to sound stupid. Just because I enjoy what I am reading doesn't mean that I have the need to tell the author "wow, I really liked reading that".
But. And it is a big but. I want feedback on what I write here. I would like, if you feel so inclined, at least one of the 10 hits that I get a day to say "howdy". That is all. Don't need to know your lifes history, unless you want to give it. Just acknowledge that you were here. Don't be a ghost.
So. I have that off of my chest and I can get back to formulating my latest rant.
Namaste.
But. And it is a big but. I want feedback on what I write here. I would like, if you feel so inclined, at least one of the 10 hits that I get a day to say "howdy". That is all. Don't need to know your lifes history, unless you want to give it. Just acknowledge that you were here. Don't be a ghost.
So. I have that off of my chest and I can get back to formulating my latest rant.
Namaste.
Monday, July 9, 2007
I could learn to live at the pool
We decided to go to the lake today. Unfortunately the lake we wanted to go to is in a State Park, so with the State of Pennsylvania being held hostage by its Legislature that doesn't know how to get a budget agreement taken care of in time we had to settle on a public pool.
I don't understand how you can't have a budget agreed upon and signed in the allotted time. Where I work, if you don't get your job completed in time you stay until it is done. Period. Most folks have jobs like that. Not our governement here in Pennsylvania. They have spent the last few days talking trash with one another, pointing fingers, and making stupid sound bites to the local news anchors. Idiots.
Regardless, we went to the pool. My fish-belly flesh didn't seem to frighten too many folks. The Princess, now to be known as the Aqua-tween, brought a friend. We packed up the truck, laid in supplies, and headed for the water. It is interesting for me at this time with all of our kids. I spent the afternoon people watching. My thought is that in any group of kids you will see someone who reminds you of one of your own at that age. Example. A group of 5-8 tweener boys. All dressed the same, trying to act cool and not doing a very good job of it. I saw one who acted like Pierce when he was that age, and another walking from the snack bar with an order of fries who looked just like Mullet-head. It was uncanny.
The only thing that could have made our day complete would have been a tall pitcher of margaritas sitting by a pool in our own backyard. But since that won't happen until I become rich, let's move on.
I was proud with the Aqua-tween in that she didn't spend hardly any time checking out the other girls or boys. Though she did check out this one boy when she didn't think that I was watching. Freaks me out when she does that. I am not ready for her at this age. The other girls there spent alot of time trying not to let the boys know that they were checking them out. As well as the boys doing the same. The tweens and teens are such awkward, painful times. It was so much easier when The Aqua-teen was younger and only worried about whether we were watching her dive and swim. Sigh.
Burned the tops of my thighs, don't ask me how. At least I didn't burn my bald head. Time to take a nap.
Namaste.
I don't understand how you can't have a budget agreed upon and signed in the allotted time. Where I work, if you don't get your job completed in time you stay until it is done. Period. Most folks have jobs like that. Not our governement here in Pennsylvania. They have spent the last few days talking trash with one another, pointing fingers, and making stupid sound bites to the local news anchors. Idiots.
Regardless, we went to the pool. My fish-belly flesh didn't seem to frighten too many folks. The Princess, now to be known as the Aqua-tween, brought a friend. We packed up the truck, laid in supplies, and headed for the water. It is interesting for me at this time with all of our kids. I spent the afternoon people watching. My thought is that in any group of kids you will see someone who reminds you of one of your own at that age. Example. A group of 5-8 tweener boys. All dressed the same, trying to act cool and not doing a very good job of it. I saw one who acted like Pierce when he was that age, and another walking from the snack bar with an order of fries who looked just like Mullet-head. It was uncanny.
The only thing that could have made our day complete would have been a tall pitcher of margaritas sitting by a pool in our own backyard. But since that won't happen until I become rich, let's move on.
I was proud with the Aqua-tween in that she didn't spend hardly any time checking out the other girls or boys. Though she did check out this one boy when she didn't think that I was watching. Freaks me out when she does that. I am not ready for her at this age. The other girls there spent alot of time trying not to let the boys know that they were checking them out. As well as the boys doing the same. The tweens and teens are such awkward, painful times. It was so much easier when The Aqua-teen was younger and only worried about whether we were watching her dive and swim. Sigh.
Burned the tops of my thighs, don't ask me how. At least I didn't burn my bald head. Time to take a nap.
Namaste.
Saturday, July 7, 2007
So I finally get a Saturday off.
And how do I celebrate? By getting up at the crack of yawn to meet my Father-in-law at the building he manages so that I can dump all of the crap I cleaned off of my carport yesterday. What a wild, party animal I am.
Friday I got busy around the outside of the house and did some cleaning up of the piles of crap that I have been accumulating over the past 10 years. Even uncovered my bicycle, aired up the tires and took a ride. And as if that wasn't amusing enough, decided to take the dog for a run. Not me running, are you crazy? The dog running, and me riding my bicycle.
No, I hadn't had anything to drink prior to doing this. I wasn't smoking anything either. I have a couple (somewhere around 10) dog training books that talk about keeping Labs, such as Cerebus, well exercised to keep them under your thumb.
No, no, no. I meant to say to keep them well exercised so that they train better. A tired Lab is a well-behaved Lab. And one way to keep them well exercised is to run them. While you are riding a bike. Next to the dog.
Now, Cerebus is not a dog of many brains. She tends to wander back and forth in her walking habits. That is an accident waiting to happen. So before getting on the bike for our inaugural run I talked to her about the rules of the road, so to speak.
I warned her that I wouldn't be able to stop on a dime. I warned her that the tire would hurt her if she knocked into it, or got out in front of it. I told her that she couldn't stop and smell every other dogs pee spot like she does now, that once we got going we had to keep going.
She, pretending not to pay any attention to me, promptly squatted and pee'd.
And then off we went.
Mind you, I live on a street with a large number of retired folks. Last night being a beautiful night here in Central Pennsylvania, most folks were out sitting with friends, some by themselves out on their front steps/porches enjoying the evening. And then comes this man the size of an SUV perched on a bicycle with a dog running next to him, in front of him, crossing over to the other side of him, trying to stop and smell the other dogs pee smell on the grass, riding up the road.
I know that I heard more than a few snickers, and I know that we received more than one look of amazement.
Roxie only made the bump into the tire mistake twice. The first time, I don't think that it registered. But the second time was enough to make her give the bike space. She was a tired girl by the time we got home. Not to mention I was a tired boy.
But we will do this again as we can because we both need the exercise, and I do have the duty of keeping my neighborhood amused. It is what I do.
Namaste.
Friday I got busy around the outside of the house and did some cleaning up of the piles of crap that I have been accumulating over the past 10 years. Even uncovered my bicycle, aired up the tires and took a ride. And as if that wasn't amusing enough, decided to take the dog for a run. Not me running, are you crazy? The dog running, and me riding my bicycle.
No, I hadn't had anything to drink prior to doing this. I wasn't smoking anything either. I have a couple (somewhere around 10) dog training books that talk about keeping Labs, such as Cerebus, well exercised to keep them under your thumb.
No, no, no. I meant to say to keep them well exercised so that they train better. A tired Lab is a well-behaved Lab. And one way to keep them well exercised is to run them. While you are riding a bike. Next to the dog.
Now, Cerebus is not a dog of many brains. She tends to wander back and forth in her walking habits. That is an accident waiting to happen. So before getting on the bike for our inaugural run I talked to her about the rules of the road, so to speak.
I warned her that I wouldn't be able to stop on a dime. I warned her that the tire would hurt her if she knocked into it, or got out in front of it. I told her that she couldn't stop and smell every other dogs pee spot like she does now, that once we got going we had to keep going.
She, pretending not to pay any attention to me, promptly squatted and pee'd.
And then off we went.
Mind you, I live on a street with a large number of retired folks. Last night being a beautiful night here in Central Pennsylvania, most folks were out sitting with friends, some by themselves out on their front steps/porches enjoying the evening. And then comes this man the size of an SUV perched on a bicycle with a dog running next to him, in front of him, crossing over to the other side of him, trying to stop and smell the other dogs pee smell on the grass, riding up the road.
I know that I heard more than a few snickers, and I know that we received more than one look of amazement.
Roxie only made the bump into the tire mistake twice. The first time, I don't think that it registered. But the second time was enough to make her give the bike space. She was a tired girl by the time we got home. Not to mention I was a tired boy.
But we will do this again as we can because we both need the exercise, and I do have the duty of keeping my neighborhood amused. It is what I do.
Namaste.
Thursday, July 5, 2007
Holidays in retail are like a lower g i exam.
As a business owner you need the business, but holidays tend to bring out the severely weird in your clientele. Normal folks loss their minds when it comes to holiday shopping. Your first mistake is to send in your husband/boyfriend/significant other. This is a huge mistake if you are the one who does the primary shopping. It is a mistake because they will:
1. Not get everything on the list and you will have to send them back.
2. Lose the list and then have to shop via cell phone. This just makes them look stupid.
3. Buy extra items that were't on the list, and then see #1.
4. Bump into their buddies and stand in the aisles or in front of the doors going into the backroom talking about absolutely nothing and get in the way of everyone.
5. Wander around aimlessly waiting for someone to help them.
Your next mistake is to not understand the Universal Law of Shopping:
THERE ARE NO MORE ORIGINAL THOUGHTS. IF YOU ARE THINKING OF SOMETHING, EVERYONE ELSE IS THINKING THE SAME THING.
Example. You would think that around 1 or 2pm on a holiday it would be safe to go shopping. No crowds, no lines to be checked out. A simple in and out at the grocery store.
Wrong.
Once this thought enters your conciousness, it has entered the conciousness of every person in a 3 county area. And they all are thinking that it is a great idea also. End result: 500 people clogging up my checkouts looking at one another and saying, "I thought it would be safe to go shopping now."
What is it about people wanting to stand around talking to their neighbors in grocery stores? I don't want to talk to people when I am doing my shopping. This has made me seem unfriendly to the folks that I do run in to, though I know the secret shopping rule. Shop in the morning around 10 am. And if you can, do it on a tuesday. Wednesday is retired folks day. Noon is the "I'm shopping on my lunch hour" time of day. 3-6pm is the "I'm shopping before I go home" time of day. But getting back to standing and talking. Doesn't everyone know that doorways are for enter and egress? Why do people continue to stand in front of the doors that go into my backrooms? And why do I get dirty looks when I exit said doors with product that I have to put on the counter so that it can be purchased? Are you stupid?
I was taking a stack of bread out yesterday afternoon and just about ran into 2 guys standing right by the doors talking. These are swinging doors. Yes they have windows in them so that I can see if there is someone coming, or blocking them. Yes I started through the doors very slowly so that I wouldn't turn these guys into speedbumps. And I still got the look of "Who do you think you are interrupting our conversation?"
Like they were talking about anything other than how drunk they got the night before, and didn't puke into their sneakers.
Creeps.
And finally, my last rant is saved for all of my associates who saw fit not to come in yesterday. There will be a little surprise waiting for you when I come back to work on Sunday. I hope it was worth you getting your swerve on.
Namaste.
1. Not get everything on the list and you will have to send them back.
2. Lose the list and then have to shop via cell phone. This just makes them look stupid.
3. Buy extra items that were't on the list, and then see #1.
4. Bump into their buddies and stand in the aisles or in front of the doors going into the backroom talking about absolutely nothing and get in the way of everyone.
5. Wander around aimlessly waiting for someone to help them.
Your next mistake is to not understand the Universal Law of Shopping:
THERE ARE NO MORE ORIGINAL THOUGHTS. IF YOU ARE THINKING OF SOMETHING, EVERYONE ELSE IS THINKING THE SAME THING.
Example. You would think that around 1 or 2pm on a holiday it would be safe to go shopping. No crowds, no lines to be checked out. A simple in and out at the grocery store.
Wrong.
Once this thought enters your conciousness, it has entered the conciousness of every person in a 3 county area. And they all are thinking that it is a great idea also. End result: 500 people clogging up my checkouts looking at one another and saying, "I thought it would be safe to go shopping now."
What is it about people wanting to stand around talking to their neighbors in grocery stores? I don't want to talk to people when I am doing my shopping. This has made me seem unfriendly to the folks that I do run in to, though I know the secret shopping rule. Shop in the morning around 10 am. And if you can, do it on a tuesday. Wednesday is retired folks day. Noon is the "I'm shopping on my lunch hour" time of day. 3-6pm is the "I'm shopping before I go home" time of day. But getting back to standing and talking. Doesn't everyone know that doorways are for enter and egress? Why do people continue to stand in front of the doors that go into my backrooms? And why do I get dirty looks when I exit said doors with product that I have to put on the counter so that it can be purchased? Are you stupid?
I was taking a stack of bread out yesterday afternoon and just about ran into 2 guys standing right by the doors talking. These are swinging doors. Yes they have windows in them so that I can see if there is someone coming, or blocking them. Yes I started through the doors very slowly so that I wouldn't turn these guys into speedbumps. And I still got the look of "Who do you think you are interrupting our conversation?"
Like they were talking about anything other than how drunk they got the night before, and didn't puke into their sneakers.
Creeps.
And finally, my last rant is saved for all of my associates who saw fit not to come in yesterday. There will be a little surprise waiting for you when I come back to work on Sunday. I hope it was worth you getting your swerve on.
Namaste.
Monday, July 2, 2007
As American as Mom's Apple Pie
I still don't understand where the heck that saying came from, but WTH. It would seem that pumpkin pie would be considered more American than apple. Though Pumpkin is considered a fall pie. Weird to think that in this day when we can get any kind of fruit at any time of the year that we still have seasonal pies. Cherry in the spring. Why the spring? We don't get any really good cherries until June. Unless it is that whole tie in with George Washington. And why is he the only president who gets a pie? What about the others? Didn't they like pie?
Then comes peach pie in June. And apple, don't forget that. And that is still too early for harvest as apples don't really come into their own until that early part of September. Coconut cream pie is around Easter. Meringues are summer pies, lemon and key lime.
What was I talking about?
Oh, right. A slice of Americana.
We loaded up the truck with blankets, chairs, snacks, and kids. Can't forget the kids. And went to Haar's Drive In. In beautiful downtown Dillsburg, none the less. Home of the pickle drop every New Years Eve.
Get it?
DILLSburg?
Pickle drop?
Regardless.
We went to see the newest Pixar film Rattatuoie..or however it is spelled. That and Evan Almighty. They both were fine movies. I was surprised with Evan Almighty, thinking that there would be more of a spiritual message as opposed to a humanitarian message. It turned out to be the better of the two.
But at Drive-in movies the movies aren't the whole picture. You are getting a cross section of the population. A huge heapin' helpin' of who really lives around you, and what their kids are like. You get the teenagers with their teenage angst, and cynicism. Strutting their stuff around to see and be seen. Talking their teenage crap. LOUDLY, so that everyone can hear every word and decide on how cool they are. You get the jocks and the jockettes tossing footballs, baseballs, and lets not forget about the stoners and their hacky sacks.
Working up the food chain you then have the couples. And the groups of couples. And the groups of couples with one or two hangers on who aren't with someone. Finally you get to the parents. Parents with young kids, tweeners, and teens. Moms without Dads, and fewer Dads without Moms. You don't see too many Dads without Moms. Maybe the idea of taking the kids to a place like a drive-in where you have to keep a weather eye out for the kids all the time is too stressful for a Dad. Who knows.
But the stuff that people bring with them is amazing. We took the Pink Avenger, my 12 year old Toyota truck with 230,000 miles on it and still running strong thank you very much. Tossed 2 sleeping bags, 5 chairs ( The Princess brought a couple of tweeners friends ), a radio ( this drive-in doesn't use the window mount speakers, you tune your radio to a specific channel ), snacks, water, pillows for everyone, and blankets ( it was freakin' COLD that night ). And believe me when I say that that is roughing it. I saw a family with a blow up mattress in the bed of their truck, which doesn't sound like a bad idea for the next time. We have a couple of those aerobeds lying around that would be perfect for this. I think that the only thing that I didn't see was someone with a television. That would have taken the cake for me.
Talking bout vehicles. I saw everything from my old truck to every type of mini-,maxi-, mondo van that is made out there. And the amusing thing is that everyone backs their vehicle into the space they pick and those with vans pop the hatch. Then the fun starts, because at Haar's there is a guy in a golf cart who rides around telling people the rules. Don't sit on the top of your vehicle, turn your music down, vans can't park here becaue they are too high, you have to pull your hatch down. All of the things he is telling people have to do with being considerate to others. But to listen to the folks who have been chastised you would think that they were singled out for breathing. Folks don't like to have it pointed out that their are being self-absorbed pieces of crap.
The incident that made it all most amusing to me was the arrival of the police. Yes, we had a police incident at the local drive-in theatre. I don't know what precipitated it, but there were some post-apocolypse looking teens in a puke green dodge mini-van in front of us. Now mind you, when all of the vehicles are correctly parke, and this in another thing that the golf cart avenger inforces, you are pretty much cheek to jowl with the folks next to you. You can hear and smell everything. So, I don't know what happened, but I think that the teens fired up some ganja and the family next to them took umbrage.
Note to self. Get high before going to the drive-in.
So here comes the police. First time they came, the teens were not in the van. So, the police took a strategic position somewhere and waited. The teens came back, so did 5-0. Everyone is brought out of the van and questioned seperately. And then the searching of the van takes place. A bong and some herb is found. Handcuffs for everyone. All in the space of 30 minutes. This was the best pre-movie drama I have seen in a long time. Not that I want the teens to be arrested, but come on. It doesn't take a brain surgeon, now does it?
The long and short of it? Family movie drive-ins are wonderful places packed full of America. support them now, as they might not be around much longer thanks to the nifty, flashy, multi-plexes.
Namaste
Then comes peach pie in June. And apple, don't forget that. And that is still too early for harvest as apples don't really come into their own until that early part of September. Coconut cream pie is around Easter. Meringues are summer pies, lemon and key lime.
What was I talking about?
Oh, right. A slice of Americana.
We loaded up the truck with blankets, chairs, snacks, and kids. Can't forget the kids. And went to Haar's Drive In. In beautiful downtown Dillsburg, none the less. Home of the pickle drop every New Years Eve.
Get it?
DILLSburg?
Pickle drop?
Regardless.
We went to see the newest Pixar film Rattatuoie..or however it is spelled. That and Evan Almighty. They both were fine movies. I was surprised with Evan Almighty, thinking that there would be more of a spiritual message as opposed to a humanitarian message. It turned out to be the better of the two.
But at Drive-in movies the movies aren't the whole picture. You are getting a cross section of the population. A huge heapin' helpin' of who really lives around you, and what their kids are like. You get the teenagers with their teenage angst, and cynicism. Strutting their stuff around to see and be seen. Talking their teenage crap. LOUDLY, so that everyone can hear every word and decide on how cool they are. You get the jocks and the jockettes tossing footballs, baseballs, and lets not forget about the stoners and their hacky sacks.
Working up the food chain you then have the couples. And the groups of couples. And the groups of couples with one or two hangers on who aren't with someone. Finally you get to the parents. Parents with young kids, tweeners, and teens. Moms without Dads, and fewer Dads without Moms. You don't see too many Dads without Moms. Maybe the idea of taking the kids to a place like a drive-in where you have to keep a weather eye out for the kids all the time is too stressful for a Dad. Who knows.
But the stuff that people bring with them is amazing. We took the Pink Avenger, my 12 year old Toyota truck with 230,000 miles on it and still running strong thank you very much. Tossed 2 sleeping bags, 5 chairs ( The Princess brought a couple of tweeners friends ), a radio ( this drive-in doesn't use the window mount speakers, you tune your radio to a specific channel ), snacks, water, pillows for everyone, and blankets ( it was freakin' COLD that night ). And believe me when I say that that is roughing it. I saw a family with a blow up mattress in the bed of their truck, which doesn't sound like a bad idea for the next time. We have a couple of those aerobeds lying around that would be perfect for this. I think that the only thing that I didn't see was someone with a television. That would have taken the cake for me.
Talking bout vehicles. I saw everything from my old truck to every type of mini-,maxi-, mondo van that is made out there. And the amusing thing is that everyone backs their vehicle into the space they pick and those with vans pop the hatch. Then the fun starts, because at Haar's there is a guy in a golf cart who rides around telling people the rules. Don't sit on the top of your vehicle, turn your music down, vans can't park here becaue they are too high, you have to pull your hatch down. All of the things he is telling people have to do with being considerate to others. But to listen to the folks who have been chastised you would think that they were singled out for breathing. Folks don't like to have it pointed out that their are being self-absorbed pieces of crap.
The incident that made it all most amusing to me was the arrival of the police. Yes, we had a police incident at the local drive-in theatre. I don't know what precipitated it, but there were some post-apocolypse looking teens in a puke green dodge mini-van in front of us. Now mind you, when all of the vehicles are correctly parke, and this in another thing that the golf cart avenger inforces, you are pretty much cheek to jowl with the folks next to you. You can hear and smell everything. So, I don't know what happened, but I think that the teens fired up some ganja and the family next to them took umbrage.
Note to self. Get high before going to the drive-in.
So here comes the police. First time they came, the teens were not in the van. So, the police took a strategic position somewhere and waited. The teens came back, so did 5-0. Everyone is brought out of the van and questioned seperately. And then the searching of the van takes place. A bong and some herb is found. Handcuffs for everyone. All in the space of 30 minutes. This was the best pre-movie drama I have seen in a long time. Not that I want the teens to be arrested, but come on. It doesn't take a brain surgeon, now does it?
The long and short of it? Family movie drive-ins are wonderful places packed full of America. support them now, as they might not be around much longer thanks to the nifty, flashy, multi-plexes.
Namaste
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